There is this overwhelming lie sweeping the nation like wild fire. It’s been steadily growing for decades now, but has accelerated in leaps and bounds just in the last generation.
You can have it all!
Most evil. Lie. Ever. The whole purpose of this lie is to encourage moms to have a full career, and be a full time mom. And be a stay at home wife. And have housecleaners and lawn guys and pool boys and nannies and daycares and still be able to make noodle necklaces and homemade dinners and make yourself beautiful every. Single. Day.
But the thing I can’t seem to fathom is why people have these super woman expectations of modern mothers, and yet totally forget the reality and realistic issues of every one of those things. JUST being a stay a home mom has it’s own mass of daily issues, JUST being a full time working mom has loads of guilt ridden commentary, and JUST being engaged enough to be the Pinterest queen usually means you haven’t learned to say no to every person that asks for help and thus do not sleep.
Now, lets add them up.
It’s not sufficient enough that with a career or business most women will put in a 50 hour work week – lets be honest. You’re working on your phone on your lunch break. After work, the same woman is expected to happily cook dinner, clean up dinner, cook a different dinner for the SUUUUUUUUPER picky toddler and then, if not take care of it alone, assist with bath and bed. But that same toddler wants to be laid with…for all 90 minutes of “trying” to sleep. On your way back down stairs you finish the laundry that was forgotten about that morning, pack the bags and lunches for the next morning, triple check your to do list, and finally sit down for a show with your spouse. But then you remembered you didn’t send that email, so you get up and out comes the computer. Two hours later, now midnight, your husband goes to bed. You think: “Dangit. I should go too.” Then realize the spaghetti sauce never got put into a container. And the dishwasher wasn’t fully loaded. And the toys didn’t get picked up in the living room. And the laundry wasn’t switched. Now it’s 1 am. God, the house is so nice and quiet. CRAP! I forgot to switch the laundry. Then you wash your face and overanalyze your face, and way overanalyze your new body that even after two years you can’t get used to. Now it’s 2 am. You pour yourself into bed and have restless sleep because the toddler is coughing. It’s now 6 am, the alarm goes off, if the toddler hasn’t been in your bed since 3 am, and you start to get ready to do the total insanity all over again. Day after day. Week after week.
When was the last time you had a date night? When was the last time you had a chill night? When was the last time you literally came home, ate a premade dinner, hung out on the couch, and went to bed before 10? I truly do not remember. Men do it. All the time. But for a MOM to do it is atrocious and makes her lazy.
Some how, in some twisted societal standard between June Cleaver and Dr. Meredith Grey, it’s been pounded into us that we MUST be everything. All the time. To everyone.
Honestly…who the fuck thought this was a good idea?!
Because of this expectancy to reach the level of perfection, I know so many moms – me included – that are strung out, exhausted, and constantly in this state of feeling like an epic failure.
I think some things need to change. Like yesterday. Let’s be clear…you CAN be successful, and you CAN be an awesome mom…but to assume “You can have it all” and not expect either to suffer is not only unfair, it’s stupid. And frankly…it’s mean as hell that we’ve done this to each other.
I don’t want it all anymore…I just want to be happy with some of it. I want a break from most of it. I want to stop feeling like I can’t do any of it.