Mom Definition #6

Sticker
n; this fantastic piece of paper that can entertain your baby long enough for you to pee, flush, AND wash your hands because they are totally preoccupied with getting the paper off their hands.

Here baby, mama has to put you down a minute. Look at this cool sticker from the wipes container!

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Mom Definition #5

Nail Clippers
n; the device that removes the talons from your child that seem to grow overnight, and you only notice when a chunk of skin is taken off while they have a Kung-foo death grip on your chest.

HONEY?! Where are the baby nail clippers?!
Are you bleeding, or do you just have a scratch?

Mom Definition #5

Nail Clippers
n; the device that removes the talons from your child that seem to grow overnight, and you only notice when a chunk of skin is taken off while they have a Kung-foo death grip on your chest.

HONEY?! Where are the baby nail clippers?!
Are you bleeding, or do you just have a scratch?

Mom Definition #4

Dishwasher
n; the device that sanitizes your dishes from the inevitable e-coli you’ve been inadvertently growing on the dishes that have gone yet another day without being washed.

n; a storage unit for clean dishes.

Do we have any clean plates? Dunno…check the dishwasher.

Mom Definition #3

Toaster Oven
n; A magical box that heats your food with out the need to remember to preheat first, keeps the food relatively warm for a while – which is good because you’ve forgotten about it, and turns off automatically when the timer is done so you won’t burn the house down…because you still haven’t remembered the food that’s in it.

Honey, have you eaten today?
I don’t remember…look in the toaster oven.

Mom Definition #2

Nurse
v; the four minutes you have to clean a baby’s ear, clip the nails on the exposed hand, and finally look at that random scratch without them wiggling before you have to flip them over. 
It’s time for me to nurse, where are the qtips?

Mom Definition #1

So it occurred to me that simple words that I had used my entire life drastically change once you become a mom.

Of course, I had to share!

Movie n; a visual timer to let you know when it’s been almost two hours.  The movie is almost over, time for his next nap.